Christopher J Wesley | Fine Art and Fiction Artist

Chris Wesley is an award winning author, fine art photographer, musician, music producer and poet.

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How To Forgive When the Abuser is a Friend or Family Member

May 25, 2011 by Chris Wesley Leave a Comment

blog_forgivenessThough it seems obvious enough, it is easy to forget that we are the ones who gain from forgiving others.

According to the Mayo Clinic, the health and spiritual benefits we stand to gain include less stress in our lives, lower blood pressure and fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety and chronic pain, but the one we’re going to focus on here is healthier relationships.

To be more specific, how to find forgiveness when the abuser is a friend, or worse, a relative and they refuse to change their behavior.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: abandonment, Attitude Adjustment, choices, Forgiveness, Self-recognition

How To Survive Shortcomings Without Beating Yourself Up

May 18, 2011 by Chris Wesley Leave a Comment

blog_beating_upIn Self Defense classes, some teach that when under physical threat, you should imagine that the danger is directed at a loved one.

Psychologically, it takes you out of the role of the victim if the danger is directed at someone you will instinctively protect. You are then better able to defend against your attacker without freezing up.

Of course, this type of direction is given to those who are looking for the “quick fix” moves of a short run self-defense course rather than those engaged in ongoing training, but there is something there that can be transposed to daily life even when you aren’t being robbed or accosted.

Given our propensity for self-persecution, this form of transference can be applied to those moments when we feel stupid for not realizing until too late that we were dating or married to a cheater or that the friend we were trying to help was only using us for some unspoken goal before betraying us.

When you feel like beating yourself up, here are three ways to survive your disappointment.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Attitude Adjustment, Emotional Self Defense, Personal Identity, Relationships Tagged With: Attitude Adjustment, Identity

Why You Don’t Understand What Happened On Your Date.

May 11, 2011 by Chris Wesley Leave a Comment

blog_bad_dateWe’ve all been there.

That moment on a date that leaves you wondering “What just happened here?”

The more you date, the more opportunities for baffling behavior.

When this happens, in most cases women will call their girlfriends and men will huddle with the fellas to try and make sense of the situation.

It’s a natural thing to do, but doing this won’t give you the answer you’re looking for. All you’ll get is speculation based on too little information.

I mean really, is it news to anyone that no man is ever going to figure out why a woman said a particular thing? Or that no woman will grasp why any man would think what he did on the date was a good idea?

Want a clue?

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Dating, Relationships Tagged With: Atittude Adjustment, Dating Advice

Elevate Yourself Using Emotional Triggers

May 4, 2011 by Chris Wesley Leave a Comment

blog_emotional_liftPart of recovery from any trauma involves learning what your emotional triggers are.

If you’ve done any work with this, you might already know some seemingly harmless occurrences that ravage you psychologically, but have you kept track of the triggers that lift you up?

I’m not talking about the things that soothe to your detriment like therapy shopping using already burdened credit or comfort foods that are going to wreck your health while providing a temporary escape.

I’ll say upfront that the emotional triggers meant to provide you with a lift, won’t work in the exact same way that traumatic triggers do.

They won’t be quite as powerful or act as instantaneously, but using them, can be an effective way to deal with everyday problems and other frustrations without behaving in a manner that will cost you further in the long run.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Attitude Adjustment, Emotional Self Defense Tagged With: Attitude Adjustment, Emotional Self Defense, Emotional Triggers, Overcoming the Negative, Self-recognition

Why Spike Lee Isn’t Worth Tyler Perry’s Time

April 27, 2011 by Chris Wesley Leave a Comment

tyler_perryAccording to a Spike Lee quote back in 2009, Tyler Perry’s work is about coons and buffoonery.

Spike isn’t the only Black person to complain that Perry’s characters represent the worst of Black culture either. Other prominent Black entertainers have made claims that Perry’s characters demean the Black race during a time when we have a Black president.

So is Tyler taking us back to the days of blackface in so many words?

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Attitude Adjustment, Emotional Self Defense, Personal Identity Tagged With: Attitude Adjustment, Identity, Overcoming the Negative, Self-recognition

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