In Self Defense classes, some teach that when under physical threat, you should imagine that the danger is directed at a loved one.
Psychologically, it takes you out of the role of the victim if the danger is directed at someone you will instinctively protect. You are then better able to defend against your attacker without freezing up.
Of course, this type of direction is given to those who are looking for the “quick fix” moves of a short run self-defense course rather than those engaged in ongoing training, but there is something there that can be transposed to daily life even when you aren’t being robbed or accosted.
Given our propensity for self-persecution, this form of transference can be applied to those moments when we feel stupid for not realizing until too late that we were dating or married to a cheater or that the friend we were trying to help was only using us for some unspoken goal before betraying us.
When you feel like beating yourself up, here are three ways to survive your disappointment.