The best part of hard times is the moment you begin to overcome them.
As I mentally prepared myself to dive back into The Gospel of Wolves Storyworld, I knew I wanted to capture the tone of where I’m at right now in life and set it to story.
Ironically, this meant looking at least one of the demons currently staring me down eye to eye.
This is where the idea of basing the next book around specific songs came in.
For that I turned to the album that I was supposed to have released 1997.
At the time, I had the concept for what was supposed to be my next solo album was pretty well cemented. After a couple of tries, I found an artist who could create what. I envisioned for my CD cover – a vine of thorns tying a hand to a cross.
The CD was to be called Like Clutching Faith and the theme song that was to best capture that theme lyrically was For Being Human.
During this period, I was still feeling dismissed by my musical peers and was recording on an 8-track cassette machine while sharing a bedroom with my pregnant sister, her husband and her first born.
We all lived in my sister’s and my mom’s house and my mother kept bugging me to stop the music nonsense so that they could put a crib in the spot where I had the desk with the 8-track recorder on it.
This demo version of For Being Human is where I left the song when I decided that everyone must have known what I previously wouldn’t accept – that there was nothing for me with music.
At this stage, I had fleshed out the song instrumentally, and recorded myself playing all the instruments to the drums I had programmed and I was experimenting with how I wanted to deliver the vocals.
It’s a song that’s kind of haunted me for never having truly finished the recording of it, which is why it became the centerpiece for my next book.
Music is a constant struggle for me where I’m simultaneously compelled to write, record and perform songs, while simultaneously feeling like all of the inexplicably negative experiences I’ve encountered feel like some divine message that there’s nothing for me there. That I don’t belong.
By Fang or Feather is a way of publicly forcing my hand to finish this and some other songs that I once saw potential in before depression set in.
In a way this book and its soundtrack of six songs, is a stand with my music.
Fight or Flight.
Fang or Feather.