Last night my wife Pat and I finally got around to watching the episode of “Being Mary Jane” where Mary Jane eulogized a loved one who committed suicide. In the eulogy she talked about the ugly truths we hide on a daily basis.
She talked about how it was those hidden ugly truths that ultimately caused someone she loved to kill herself. In spite of the fact that the eulogy would be considered insensitive and inappropriate by some, I found it poignant.
Today, at work I talked about the show with a coworker who was waiting for me to see the episode before discussing it and my coworker reflected that it’s true. We all say we’re ‘fine’ when we really aren’t. Then she realized who she was talking to.
“Except you,” she told me, “if you have something wrong, you don’t hold anything back.” And she’s right.
I don’t mention this to toot my own horn, but to encourage others that it’s okay to say you’re having a crap day if that’s what you’re having or to seek help when you don’t have the strength to get past a thing.
Doing those things is the only reason I’m still alive to right this.
After my older brother killed himself over his ugly truths, something unexpected broke in me and I couldn’t see how I was supposed to be able to make it through when he couldn’t. After only barely refraining from purposely flipping my SUV on the freeway, I realized that I didn’t have the strength to deal with what I was feeling on my own.
While I talked about what was going on with friends, that morning it became obvious that I wouldn’t be able to survive this without a professional, so I went to therapy to figure my shit out and it worked. With the right help, I made it through that hard time.
It takes a certain bravery to not hide who you are and how you feel and I hope for your sake you’re willing to be as brave as you need to be to lead a happy life.
Please feel free to forward a link to this post to anyone you think might need to know that it’s okay to feel what you need to feel to get past what needs to be left in the past.