Imagine…the smug look on their face transforming into confusion because you verbally taped their mouth shut.
Taking five of the most common wise cracks used today, I’m going to give you comebacks they won’t see coming until it’s too late. I’m also going to give you a little of the reason why you might take a come back in a certain direction. This will allow you to begin using your own personal wit in future exchanges.
Quite often, all the best wit does is break the conversation down to the bottom line. Start tuning your mind into this concept and you will seldom find yourself without some kind of feedback to offer.
The first example opens itself up so wide for disagreement, I am always amazed when the person posing the question gets the final word. Below is a simple answer, to a simple question.
Phrase: “What part of _____ do you not understand?”
Answer: “The part where I don’t get my way.”
See how easy that was? From here until the other person has nothing new to add, you keep the focus on what’s important–You getting your way.
In some cases, the best line of verbal defense is to go narcissist. Nothing trumps conceit because like they say, perception is reality and if the other person can’t crack your perception, they can’t win.
In the case below, it is important to deliver these types of lines with a hint of pity that suggests that you feel a little sorry they can’t understand your plight.
Phrase: “Get over yourself.”
Answer: “If you had as much to work with as me, you’d understand why I can’t.”
On the other end of the better/lesser than spectrum of ripostes is to establish your dominance through action without overtly keeping the focus on you. In the example below, you enhance their move in a way that wordlessly says “you’re ugly” and moving on quickly as to suggest, that you’ve come to terms with their unattractiveness.
Phrase/Gesture: “Talk to the hand.”
Answer: If in arm’s reach, adjust the hand so that it obscures your ability to see their face, then add obvious satisfaction to your voice when you say “I do kind of like this better.” and continue saying what you were saying.
If not in arm’s reach, replace that part by adjusting yourself, so the hand obscures your ability to see their face, but make sure you don’t contort yourself into a ridiculous stance that invites further ridicule.
There are times when the person will put their hand up simply to deliver the line and then put it back down again. Either raise their hand back up, or ask them to return their hand to it’s upraised position so you can finish your thought without enduring the horror of their face.
The fourth example is best delivered with no flare. Keep it matter of fact as if you just did something for them and you’re a little surprised they aren’t thankful for your favor.
The lack of any discernible attitude catches most people off guard and requires a few moments for their brain to process what you just implied. As a tactic, the deadpan is a supremely effective means of catching your adversary off guard and unprepared.
Phrase: “I don’t think so.”
Answer: “You don’t have to think. I just gave you the answer.”
To close, let’s go on the offensive. Literally and figuratively.
It’s best used on someone who loves or at least really likes you, because, when properly delivered, people sometimes become quite angry.
Here, the word “whatever” gets new life with the following reinterpretation:
When someone is telling you something from another room, let them finish what they were saying, then yell back to them, “Whaaaat?”
Then the next part is all about timing. When they are three or four syllables into repeating themselves, say “eveeeeeer.” Be sure to drag the word out so the sarcasm shines.
DO NOT say this during the part where they say “I said…”. It loses it’s punch if you jump in too soon. You want them to think they are truly about to retell their story when those last two syllables explode on their tale like a grenade.
When successfully used, and your victim has expressed their ire at you, it is appropriate to laugh loud enough for the person to hear you in the other room.
So how about you? Do you have some one-liners you would like to share?